In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Thursday, August 4, 2011


One summer when I was in junior high, most days you could find me at Nicole Penner's house, carefully crafting our trampoline routine to Amy Grant's Ageless Medley. I bet if you gave me a trampoline and that music I could still perform some of my routine, minus some of the flips. Most kids at that age were NOT listening to Amy Grant, but I loved her and loved Jesus. I didn't doubt that God was real and I had a quiet time nearly every day. I was very serious about my faith and I didn't care that I didn't know the words to "Smokin' in the Boys Room," like everybody else.

I have gone on to love many other genres of music and become a real cool cat, but I can still say that when I hear Amy sing, it brings me back to a time when I had a real innocent faith and trust in God. This adoption journey has been (and at this rate will continue to be) a challenge to my faith and a faith builder at the same time. In the words of my close friend, Kate, "Go Big or Go Home." That is how I feel in my faith right now. I've gotta either Believe Big or Forget It.

I have had a difficult time understanding why he is not answering prayers for so many of us in the throws of adoption in ET. On good days, unanswered prayer has left me scratching my head, and on bad days, it has made me question God. If God cares so much for these kids, then why is it so hard to bring them home? That being said, I also think that if God really did, in fact, call us to adopt, like I think he did, then I really doubt that he is going to jump ship and say, "now that you are half way through, I'm outty." I simply can't believe in God if I don't believe that he will take care of this situation. But it is hard. One of the two things he keeps telling me is, "hold on." Everything I have read or heard or listened to keeps saying, "hold on." So, I'm holding on and leaning in.

I just have to leave you with a newish Amy Grant song that I'm sure will be carrying me through the weeks. Some of you won't have time to listen to it, but if you are in the middle of adopting, you should try to find a couple of minutes. I hope it will encourage you.

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