In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Monday, April 4, 2011

Getting a Grip

Last week was my Get a Grip week! The MOWA shake up seems to have coincided with a lull in referrals. I have no idea if the two are related or if we are just in the normal downswing of referrals within our agency. The point is, the result for me was this overwhelming sense that this adoption business just needs to get a move on, before any more bad news trickles in. I don't know if other waiting parents are like this, but I think that since the only thing I can do as waiting parents is wait, I feel the need to do something each day to participate in our adoption. So, for me I began to check our agencies blog page to see if there was any new news or referrals about 15 times a day. Then I would read some blogs, check the yahoo page, etc . . . . It took me awhile, but I finally realized that this ridiculous routine, not only took up precious time, but it was far far far from life giving. In fact, it was sucking the life right out of me. Come to think of it, I don't think I realized anything . . . it was God that showed me a little somethin' somthin'. Last Monday night, as I was cramming for my Bible study for Mops ministry team in the morning, a couple paragraphs in the book, may as well have been written in big, bold, red letters. It read, and I quote:

'Make Me your desired End and you will surely have that End, and you shall be satisfied, lacking nothing that is in the will of God for you.' The shameful thing is, however, that when this comes home to us, we feel a little disappointed. We have to admit it was not Himself we really wanted, but rather His gifts, and that for subtle, selfish reasons! As the hymn writer says, 'I yearned for them, not Thee.'

I was making my desired End, getting our little Ethiopian baby, instead of God. So, I'm praying about that whole business. I'm also on a refresh button diet for our agencies update blog. I can only check once (or maybe twice) a day. I'm still hoping for some movement this week, but hopefully with my priorities a little more in line I can live into the freedom that I have when I don't feel like my emotions are so controlled by the agency blog.


Anonymous said...

I was thinking of you when I read the book, "Choosing To See". It shares the story of Mary Beth Chapman and how she came to the point of adoption. She freaked out because her baby was coming from China and the SARS outbreak was bad. I think, after reading her story, that you are not overly abnormal during this adoption process.
Just fyi, I am collecting stuff for your yard sale. Let me know when you will need it.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand and have had the same thoughts the last few weeks. After the crazy last month I have become WAY to focused on getting a baby home instead of on God.
A fellow blog page refresher,

hollysue said...

Shera - I LOVED that book!!!!! And our garage sale isn't until June 18th, but we'll take stuff any time.

Becca - glad to know I'm not the only one:)

connie said...

I have to agree that the waiting part can be many things;frustrating, slow, depressing and on and on however I also rest in knowing that the our daughter will be worth the wait. And I am willing to bet you will feel the same way upon your referral. I love how the Lord revealed Himself to you and met you where you are at. Good luck with your "refresh diet" but don't be too hard on yourself if you fall off the wagon here and there. blessings