Not about adoption, a confession, totally uninteresting

Really quickly, I just have to say that I totally lied on my last post. Not intentionally, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I totally care what people think of me. Maybe in my teen years, I didn't care as much as most teens do, but these days, I'm sure I do. I know this, because I went to dinner last night with an amazingly fun (and funny) group of friends. Somehow the question of the night centered around each persons "most drunk" story. While everyone was sharing about nights at Cabo Wabo, hanging upside down like a fish and not knowing how they got somewhere, I had nothing to share. I've never been proud of the fact that I've never gotten drunk, it just simply wouldn't be my nerdy self if I did and I've just never really wanted to. However, last night I was kinda wishing that I had a story to tell. For a brief moment I considered concocting a story that could outdo even Cabo Wabo and the next moment I was planning how I was gonna get tanked, so that I could contribute a story the next time we gathered. So, if anyone has any good ideas . . . Just kidding:) Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest, because I do care what others think, even though I wish I didn't. Again, the goody two shoes side of me just couldn't rest until I made that confession. Hopefully, not very many people are reading my last couple of posts.

The teens!

We are in the TEENS! Hopefully, this round of teens will only last a few months. Some might shudder as they think back to their teen years, but I actually loved most of my teen years. I had my awkward moments, like when I wore my "Surf Fetish" shorts to school, while it was snowing. My bad haircut that same year (8th grade). When I fell on my face in musical practice as I was attempting a ballet move and the whole orchestra stopped. When I threw up on the bus right after I told Eric Zimmerman that I felt totally fine. OK - maybe I didn't like my teens. It's like birthing a baby - you forget the pain after enough time passes. No really, I think I liked my teens, for two reasons. First, because I had no desire to be popular (and boy did it show.) If you've seen Modern Family, my and my sister were like the two teenage sisters on that show. You can guess which one I am more like if you watch it. Second, I was also really into my youth group and church and from a pretty early age, I was fairly confident in the God's love. I always felt that God loved me, my parents loved me, and anyone else was just a big huge bonus. Anyway, in case you don't know me, things have totally changed. I still feel loved by God, but I am super, super cool now;)

Who says boys are faster than girls?

The infant girl list is the one that I thought would go the slowest, but as it turns out, it's moving right along. There were two referrals for girls today! Since we got on the wait lists 5 months ago, we have moved SEVENTEEN spots for a baby girl and only TEN spots for a boy. Now, math was never my strong suit, but according to my rough estimates, if the current rates continue, then in 12 months the boy and girl list will be at the same place. I have been diligent about keeping boy clothes and toys, but I keep getting rid of all the girl stuff. I better change my thinking. It is kind of exciting to not totally know if we will get a boy or a girl. At the same time, I wish the boy list would move, because we are so much closer in numbers for the boy list.

Overall, I'm just excited to finally get to post something on my blog again. However, after my friend raved about her friend's blog, Every Bitter Thing is Sweet, (she IS an amazing writer, BTW), I've decided that I've gotta step my writing game up a notch. I've got to stop talking about Vikings and my eating habits and start writing with a little more elegance and poetry. Maybe I'll start that tomorrow.

Born in Cambodia

We finished our last day of training today. Yeah! We always learn some great stuff, but what I really love is lunch time, when you get to know others that are in the same boat. (Plus, we get to eat out while the kids are at Grammy and Grandpa's House).

On a much different note, here are some thoughts from this last week. One of my recent post talks of the fear of Ethiopia closing, which is still a fear of mine, but after talking to our agency and friends at other agencies, my immediate fears have somewhat diminished. Anyway, all that to say, in the midst of my fear, I started looking at what other countries have open adoption programs and, believe it or not, Cambodia may be opening. We ALWAYS thought that we would adopt from Cambodia, but it was always closed. We eventually thought that it would never open, so Ethiopia was our next choice. Then I also discovered that currently Cambodia only accepts parents with no more than 2 kids, so that means that even if Cambodia opens we won't be eligible if we adopt from Ethiopia. For a couple of days, that felt really hard for me. I thought that we would maybe try to adopt from Cambodia first and maybe put our Ethiopian adoption on hold, since it is going to slowly anyway. However, there is a really good devotional book called "Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young." I still don't know if it's so good because it only takes about a minute to read or because it really has great stuff in it. Either way, January 5th's entry was written for me that day. It's written as if God is talking. It said:

True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decided to do. It is coming to Me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant My desires within you. I may infuse within you a dream that seems far beyond your reach. You know that in yourself you cannot achieve such a goal. Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me. It is a faith walk, taken one step at a time, leaning on me as much as you need.

After reading that, my whole outlooked changed. I felt like my decision to try to figure out how to adopt from Cambodia was just part of my plan, not God's. I feel like God started us on this path to adopt from Ethiopia and the obstacles that made adoption "far beyond our reach," seem within reach now. We still know that things can change, but for now, we are more excited than ever to adopt from Ethiopia and it even feels less like our 2nd choice than it did before we found out about Cambodia possibly opening. Actually, to be more exact, we are more excited than ever to continue to put this whole adoption process into Gods hands and to trust him to bring us the perfect child for our family, no matter where they were/will be born.

The pictures that I included are of our trip to Cambodia so many years ago, where our joint desire to adopt internationally was born.

Paper Pregnancy

Who knew that I would actually feel pregnant, when we became paper pregnant. I've been eating like a Viking and the only explanation that I have, is that I'm eating for two. It's just that one of us is in Ethiopia.

Check out our new numbers. We dropped one number on the boy list and two on the girl list. Yeah!