In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Friday, June 6, 2014


I am usually the recipient of hearing the word, "Mommy," many a time a day.  It is a label that I feel grateful to possess and I feel lucky to hear it bouncing around these walls. Albeit, on occasion, when it is overused and said with a whiney lilt, it can wear on my nerves a touch. Right now, I miss hearing it, as my kids are away for another set of days. So, to keep the word fresh around here, I have been adding it to my vocabulary.  I, typically, just say, "Mom," but what I really mean right now is, "Mommy."  I have needed my mommy in a huge way over the past few weeks.

That is not to say that I haven't needed my friends, my Tony and my dad in a huge way, because I have, but sometimes, you just need your Mommy.  You need someone who isn't allowed to leave, even if you say the most reprehensible things.  You need someone that you know will love you, even though you have cried for the 600th time in a 24 hour period.  You need someone that you don't feel bad keeping up all night, because you are scared for the 700th time that you will never be even semi-normal again.  You need someone who is willing to repeat, "you will make it through this," as many times as needed.  

Actually, I really, truly, believe that all of the aforementioned people would do the same, but there is still just something different about about needing your mom.   It's a long road with me right now.  Surgery went well, as far as I know, but it will be a few weeks, or even months before I know where my symptoms will really land.  I am fighting like a madman to stay out of the freak out zone, since my symptoms are still present.  I still have weakness, numbness and a little bit of pain in my leg.  So, thank you, everyone, for hanging in there with me and spending the night with me and bringing me treats and giving me the gift of normal conversations and thanks, mom, for being my mom.  
My mom - always taking care of someone

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