In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Thursday, January 9, 2014


Whew!  Made it.  December was a big, fat, furry bear for sure.  If you are going to lose somebody you love, try really hard to not do it a few days before Christmas.  As all of you know, the weeks before Christmas, as hard as you may try to pare everything back, still is a steam train that just doesn't quit.  School parties, recitals, programs, gatherings, family, etc. . . .

For months I had dreaded and in a strange way, looked forward to, the anniversary of Dave's death.  In a month that is way too full, I was looking forward to a day that I was just allowed to be sad.  I was kinda saving up my sadness for that day, but then it came and went and I didn't even get the chance to be sad.  Sad, huh?

I had planned on taking the kids skiing, but in light of this beyond frustrating and painful back situation, skiing was out.  The North Pole amusement park was in, though, which was a place that Dave LOVED to take our kids.  He had always wanted to go when he was a kid, but it never happened, so I think that when he took our kids there, it was this symbol of providing a childhood dream that he never got to fulfill.  He was just so cute about his love for the North Pole.  We started the day with donuts - another fave of Dave's - and then got ready to go.  Unfortunately, Maci was having a rough day and I made the carnal mistake of saying that if I had to correct her one more time, then she was not going to be able to go with us.  In those moments, you think, "Surely, they won't test this boundary - this is too important."  I'm certain you can guess what happened next.  Under normal circumstances, maybe I would have made an exception, because this was an important day and event, but we were going to be boarding a plane for New York in two days and I needed her to know that I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND HERE!  Gosh - I sound a little defensive, don't I?  Anywho, the North Pole was the perfect way to spend the day. Then we came home, got a flu shot for Maci, started laundry and packing, and that was that.  The day had come and gone.

Leah and Cousin Jacob

I had also dreaded the day before the 21st, because that felt more like THE DAY.  I got the fated phone call, while driving Spencer to school on the day before break last year.  It took me months to be able to drive that same path after Dave died.  I had thought about how hard that drive would be this year, but instead. . . . (insert big breath here) mid way to school, Spencer dropped his cinnamon toast on the floor, and then wouldn't eat it, because there was fuzz on it,  which probably meant that he was going to get a stomach ache, because now he didn't eat breakfast with his antibiotics that he was on for having strep throat, along with his siblings earlier in the week.  See what I mean???  It's like life is a giant run on sentence.  I thought that I would be able to insert a period, or at least a semi colon around the 21st, but life just kept it's regular Christmas pace and I just couldn't stop it. 

This crazy pace continued right until the moment we got on the plane, headed for New York.  I know it is a little nuts to take three kids across the country at Christmas, but there was no part of me that wanted to stay here.  I just couldn't do it, this year.  We were going to be flying out of Colorado Springs Municipal Airport, which is usually a friendly way to fly.  It is easy and small and fit for a single mom with three kids in tow.  As we were pulling up, I was telling Linette that I was so glad I wasn't leaving out of DIA.  Why did I have to utter those words?  So, I start the check in process, which, of course, is taking forever.  Just as they load my luggage onto the conveyor belt, this sweet high schooler, Cole,  behind me says, "I don't mean to look over your shoulder, but the flight to Denver you are on, just got cancelled."  I immediately yelled, "Grab those suitcases!" before they disappeared behind stage. They informed me that there would be a bus coming at some point to shuttle us to DIA.  The problem was, I would miss my connection to NYC.  Thus begins my own personal Amazing Race.  The lady behind the counter kept saying, "your never going to make it," and I kept saying, "can you please just hurry, because I'm going to try."  I informed Linette of the little glich and she began packing up the kids to drive to DIA - in a hurry!   We had an hour and nine minutes to make it an hour and 38 minutes away, according to my iPhone . . .  AND there was a wreck on 1-25.  So, we headed up Powers and managed to have to stop at every. single. light.  We invited Cole to ride with us and in the car I informed him that this was a conditional offer.  Now he was obligated to help me with my kids and all our luggage.  He was quite the 15 year old trooper.  We had to have our luggage checked in by 2:04, which was the time the plane started boarding. Somehow, through a mix of a Linette's speeding and a minor miracle, we pulled up to the curb at 2:04.  I begged to cut in line and the guy took my luggage and we raced to the security line.  I could be found saying things to my kids like, "If there is ever a time to listen and obey, it is right now!"  They did awesome and with some sweat and heavy breathing, we raced onto the plane, only for them to close the door, drive a few feet, drive back a few feet and then sit for an hour.  It was very anti-climactic, but I was just so relieved to be on that plane.

Cousins and cozy jammies!

Two cutie little shoppers who couldn't wait to visit Claire's Boutique.

We made it to Westport, CT that very night and we were there for one lovely week and we made it back without incident.  I guess Maci felt that was reason to rejoice. When we landed back in Colorado Springs, I went to help Leah press the drinking fountain button and when I turned around, Maci was ON THE LUGGAGE CONVEYOR BELT . . . DANCING!  Now, it's funny, but I was a little too tired to think it was funny at the time.

I guess to wrap this random post up, I would conclude Christmas break with saying, "We made it, we did it, and I wish Dave were here to be a part of it all."

1 comment:

sharon said...

oh, Holly, you are such a great mom and I am so impressed with your even attempting to go from Colo. Springs to Denver with your sweet brood. Thank you for sharing with us how you are feeling and coping. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope they soon become more steps forward than backward. You are love!