In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Sunday, January 8, 2012

T minus 1 day

T-minus one day until we lift off. It has felt like a lifetime that I have waited to meet N, but it feels like M's adoption is reaching a mach 3 pace. If my dreams are any indication of my anxiety level, then I would say my anxiety level is moderately high to very high. Recently, I've had a dream that I was all of the sudden driving through a tornado, but we found cover in an undercover, smoke fillled, Chinese restaurant. I had a dream that I was part of a synchronized swim team and I was the only one who didn't know the routine we were performing to Cotton Eyed Joe. Then last night I had one of those dreams where we were having to run through the airport, but when I would walk, I wouldn't go anywhere. If I had to name three things I am anxious about, I would say, leaving Spence and Leah, something going terribly wrong (like contracting Dengue Fever or getting in a car accident), and the whole situation with Negusu.

On Wednesday, we heard that M's birth mom did show up for her court date, and everything went as planned. While that is nothing to celebrate, it did mean that everything is still a go for M. Simultaneously, after 2 months of hearing NOT A PEEP about the southern region, where Goosey is, there was finally a whisper. Whispers that something may, in fact, be stirring. I had put my heart in a good place. I was prepared to see the Goose and was pretty convinced that these would likely be the only 3 days that we ever see the handsome little fellow, but now there is that ray of hope again and I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm sort of convincing myself that we have heard all of this before and that nothing will come of it, but I also have felt pretty sure that God was going to do something pretty incredible while we were there. I guess my hopes are deniably up, but I am trying to keep them in check for the sake of not falling apart while we are there AND because there will only be one a matter of hours between saying goodbye to Goose and Hello to M. I am kinda hoping that the whole trip will be so much to consume, so chaotic and so tiring that we won't even really have the chance to process anything until we get home. I literally can't imagine having four kids, but I REALLY literally can't imagine not bringing Negusu home.

I keep thinking that I should maybe start getting anxious about meeting M, too. If I know myself, like I think I do, I will be SO nervous when the time comes, but for now I am not. It has something to do with the fact that this is not the path we started on, to adopt a child slightly younger than Leah, but it is without a doubt who God is grafting into our family. So whether or not our first meeting (and life thereafter) goes well, we know that God is constructing this plan. That is why we will be adding an American name to her name that means, "God's Gift." Plus, there are a couple of indications that point to her belonging in our family. It has something to do with a report saying that she is "very active in her speech" and an exact facial expression that Leah has. Oh my lands! I can't wait to meet her!

Well, in true Holly fashion, I am not packed, the house is only partially clean, we have a full schedule today, complete with watching the Bronco game, and my list of to do's is longer than there are hours in the day, so I best be getting going. At least I can cross one thing off my list, now that I have written my last blog before take off.

Thank you all for the thousands of prayers you have prayed for Goosey, for the prayers that you have prayed for us, for the prayers for M and thank you all for the amazing support you have given us. We have filled our tubs completely with formula and baby food all with help from ya'll. We have been lifted so many times from unexpected donations of money and formula for Goosey's orphanage. We have also been encouraged by all of you who have read our blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to walk this journey with us!

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