Maci-Our Little Walking Testimony

A year ago from right now, Dave and I were in Ethiopia, meeting Maci for the very first time.  We have officially known (and I say "known" lightly) her for 365 days.  Yesterday, I was telling her this little piece of trivia, which led to a sacred moment in time with her.  I asked her what she remembers about meeting us for the first time.  She said she remembers Daddy playing with her.  When I asked her if she remembers what they played, she said, "I remember playing chase with Daddy."  Wow - she really does remember! Often times Maci is a little parrot of Leah, so I don't always get thoughts that come straight from the heart and mind of Maci, but yesterday was different.  She disclosed memories and their accompanying feelings that only she would know and feel.  Playing chase is a memory that we have never reminisced over. Dave and Maci would play peek a boo and chase around the cars that were parked in the courtyard.  It was quite a sight, with her apparent lack of gross motor skills and her head to body ratio.  I love that she has this memory of Dave that is her very own.

Our sacred moment didn't end with that memory, though.  It was an entry way into a talk about the things that make her heart sad.  It was the first time, she expressed how sad she was to leave Ethiopia.  Last March we watched, with concern and panic, this grief when she came home, but she has never articulated it with words before.  She continued to address other things that she was sad about, but then she ended with, "but I'm happy that you take care of me."  The statement left me breathless. Humbled.  Even kind of like I haven't done enough.

Naturally, I am still dealing with a lot of questions about the timing of Dave's death.  I mean, what in the world?  We agonize through a horrific adoption journey, finally bring Maci home and then Dave dies 9 months later, leaving me to raise three kids alone?  I mean what in the world?  Three is just exponentially harder than two and Maci takes A LOT of energy.  And in addition to that, doesn't Maci deserve a father?  She and Dave had a special connection.  Even one more special than the one that Dave had with his two biological kids.  Maci didn't have a father in Ethiopia, so she thought that Dave was the end all, be all.  Nothing special happened in a day that she didn't say, "I can't wait to tell Daddy." Even yesterday, I gave her a piece of chocolate and she said, "I'm going to share this with Daddy, when he gets back from heaven."  She made Dave feel special, and Dave made her feel special.  I mean, what in the world?  How has this really happened?  It's so wrong.

Sorry about that, I just got going.  That is not the point of this post.  The point is that Maci Meraf is our little beacon of hope that explodes all over this house, all the time.  While she takes mucho physical energy, she gives all of us something that nobody else can give.  We've seen her loose a parent (and one she never knew).  We've seen her grieve GREAT loss. We've seen her tiptoe through healing. We've seen her invite love in. We've seen her heart grow. We've seen her infectious joy infect us and others. We've marvel at her resilience. We are floored by her love of life and all it has to offer. And we love her so so much.  Thank you Jesus for Maci.