Do we stay or do we go?

In one of my more desperate moments on this roller coaster, I posted that I was looking for connections in Awassa, because I was ready to change this years plans to include a 2-3 month stay in ET. Thank you to all who responded with helpful leads, email addresses, personal stories and even warnings. I appreciated all the input, so thank you.

I have gotten some clarity on whether or not to travel to ET between court and Embassy. Two weeks ago I was 90% sure that we were gonna do it, but after new information and some time to get some perspective, I'm am about 90% sure that we won't. The whole point of going was to intercept "N" before he changed locations and caretakers, again. Initially, he wasn't going to move to the care center until after we passed court and now he will get moved to the care center a week before we go to court. Then, just last week, the US Embassy changed the rules. Even if you pass court, you can no longer take your child out of the care center until Embassy clears you, so again, the main reason for going doesn't even exist anymore. And in the midst of all that, God kept asking me, "Do you trust me?" And I kept basically saying "no." I'm not going to say that I think things will turn out all tidy and neat, but I'm getting to the point where I do feel like I am learning to trust Him with baby "N."

So, in this phase when the courts aren't opened any longer, there is no inkling of a chance of getting a court date anytime before November and we have decided not to travel between court and Embassy, I feel strangely excited about simply meeting "N." More than ever before! I am excited to hold him, rub his fuzzy head and just see what he is like. I think that the turning point from desperation to excitement (and I'm not claiming that this will last, BTW), was at Lakeside Amusement Park, of all places. My kids were riding rides with not a care in the world, contagious laughter and the biggest smiles in the world. (See below). I just thought that next year at this time, "N" could be riding these rides with our kids, with the same carefree laughter, squeals, and excitement. All of this unnecessary waiting and all this craziness with getting submitted to court will be a distant memory and in it's place will be our little "king." Yeah!!!!!!!! I can't wait!