A Little Bit of Then and a Little Bit of Now

Where to even begin . . . . . . . ?????????? What a trip. I wish you all could just read my mind, because I have no idea how to organize my thoughts and put them on paper. I'll just take it from the top, I guess.

We arrived late Saturday night and we took Sunday to just be tourists. We shopped, we saw sights, we ate at Mod Abbysinia, which is like an Ethiopian Country Dinner Playhouse. Our guide, Fekadu, from our last trip to Awassa, and his driver took us there and we had such a great night. The day was perfect and it gave us a chance to brace ourselves for what was to come.

That night, I didn't sleep for even one second, knowing that the next day, life was going to change, but I wasn't totally sure how. We headed to the care center and immediately set out to lay our eyes on Meeraf. I stepped into her room and she saw me and smiled. Already, I was making judgements about the rest of our lives together. I was thinking, "she smiled and she remembers me . . . everything is going to be great. Phew!" From this point on, I was either in survival mode, just trying to make it through the next minute, or I was making judgements on how the rest of our lives were going to go. Both were fairly exhausting ways to operate. Anyway, the initial reunion was so great and so encouraging. About a half hour in, I got news that the birth mom was going to come at 11:00. (In Ethiopian time, that means that maybe she'll come sometime that day.) So, we waited and waited and finally ended up going back to the hotel until they called us back. Late, in the afternoon, we got the call that she had arrived, so we hopped back in the Addis View van and made another crazy trip through the streets of Addis. However, about half way through the trek back, we pulled over and in stepped the birth mom. It was so obvious that it was her, because she looked just like Meeraf. AWKWARD!!!! I didn't know what to say, so I offered her a piece of gum. That seems so silly now. I was just caught so off gaurd. It's just tough to think of small talk, especially when you don't speak the same language. Gum is universal, though, isn't it?

At the care center, we had a chance to talk to each other. I was kind of hoping that she would be real teary and heart broken over being forced to give up her daughter due to unimaginable circumstances or something like that. That wasn't the case, though. She was very young and seemed rather unmoved by her decision to bring Meeraf to an orphanage. Before this meeting, I held a little bit of guilt about removing Meeraf from her country and from everything familiar to her, but that guilt fled in a hurry. The general sense that I felt after our meeting was that Meeraf was not in a good situation. After our meeting we took a few pictures and then Meeraf broke down into a puddle of tears. Heartbreaking! Man, the amount of trauma that this child went through, even in the one week I was there, is so heartbreaking, let alone all of the trauma she experienced before this week.

From that point, I bought Meeraf back to the hotel. This is where the rubber met road. I'll write more about our trip later. Right now, I'll give you a snapshot into life right now on this side of the hemisphere.

Meeraf is very hot and cold, and she definitely prefers Dave FAR about me . . . however, all things considered, I think she is doing really well. Obviously, it is painfully hard for me that she won't let me even touch her, or look at her at times. However, there are enough moments where she lets me in, that I am staying afloat for now. Like, at the park today, I thought my heart would burst. She smiled so much, giggled, played and would repeat me saying "UNNNNDERDOOOOOOOG," as I was pushing her on the swing. Holy Cow - it was beyond precious. She is beyond precious - and I think I'll go take in a little bit of her preciousness right now, if she'll let me:)

It's true . . . I leave tomorrow!

Tomorrow afternoon I will be leaving Colorado Springs eastbound to Ethiopia to bring home Maci Meeraf Aldridge. The email came in the middle of the night that our Embassy date is set for March 27th. After opening the email, there was a giant rush of adrenaline preventing my sleepy self from settling back into a soft, warm sleep. So, a few restless hours later, I have decided to try my hand at one last post before I head out.

The other night I was watching "Tangled" with my kids and there was a scene in the movie that made me feel a lot like Rapunzel. (It certainly wasn't her thick long hair making me feel like her!) Her whole life, she had seen in the distance hundreds upon thousands of lights rise into the sky on her birthday. The whole movie was about her reaching this destination and this point where she would see the lights up close. So, there she was in the boat, anticipating the launch of these thousands of lanterns. While you would expect that she would be giddy with excitement, she timidly shared that she was "terrified." She went on to say, "I've been looking out a window for 18 years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?" Well, folks - that is about how I feel . . . terrified, but I think (maybe not initially) it will all be breathtakingly beautiful.

I can't even begin to think of what this trip is going to look like, so get creative in your prayers. You might even feel led to pray that if she's got lice, they will be lazy lice and not inclined to jump anywhere. I have no idea??? One prayer that I would seriously covet, though, is prayers for the hearts of everyone in our family. For Maci and me to start bonding right off the bat, for Spencer's and Leah's and Dave's hearts to be open and ready to receive Maci when we return, and just for our family dynamics all around when we start our life as a family of 5. All I can think of to say as I wrap this up, get ready to pack and get ready to pick up OUR DAUGHTER is hold onto your hats everybody- this is gonna be a ride! Lord have mercy!

Where are My Keys?

I can't tell you how SLOWLY these days are ticking by. We are so ready for Meeraf to get home We know it is going to be hard, but we just can't wait to see her little smile and hear her little laugh again. We are waiting to hear how the birth mom interview goes on the 21st and we are hoping that Sunnie (my fest friend from high school) and I will be on a plane by the 23rd. We have been waiting a total of 10 months, from the first referral to, HOPEFULLY, picking up our child. That is some serious wait time! Meanwhile, encouragement comes when I need it most and the other day, I needed it most. Here is the story.

Friday mornings are always a little hectic and this past one was no different. My Mops group was responsible for bringing sweets and I thought the morning would be a fine time to bake some cookies and get the kids out the door on time. In mid bake, I was pondering our financial situation. I will not be teaching for a couple months when Meeraf comes home and in addition to that, our hoped travel time is right over Spring Break. I don't know who is shouting "Spring Break 2012 in Ethiopia!", but somebody must be, because the demand is high and the tickets are pricey for the next few weeks. I mean REAL pricey! I was even making a list of things we could sell in our next garage sale to cover the months I won't be teaching. Anyway, the morning went on. I finished the cookies, got everybody ready, grabbed my keys, started putting stuff in the car, set my keys down somewhere, and then realized that I couldn't find my keys, even though I had just used them. If I had a nickel for every time I said, "Where are my keys," I would never have had to raise a cent for this adoption! Naturally, my extra set of keys were also MIA, so in my rush, I had no other choice than to close my eyes, get ready for an explosion, and dump out my purse. Out came my wallet, a teacher survey, children's church bulletins, paint chip colors, 18 receipts, a couple suckers, some photographs, my extra set of keys, and an unfamiliar envelope. I turned it over and it said "The Aldridge Family" on it, along with a couple of verses, one being James 1:27. (Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world). Even in my rush to get to preschool and Mops, I had to check out this envelope. I hastily opened it and I saw a hundred dollar bill peeking out. I opened it further and took out the bills and there were ten, 100 dollar bills. I was seriously shaking! I couldn't believe it!!! There was no name on it, and no indication of where it came from. On top of that, I had no idea, when it had been snuck into my purse. I'm sure whoever put it in there has been on their knees, praying that I didn't throw it away with the rest of the trash in my purse. My mind was in overdrive, trying to figure this out. Needless to say, I left all the cookies at home.

I think that one of the neatest things for me in this story, is that I got to share it at Mops. And for the first time in quite a few months, I said the words, "God is good." They just came out of my mouth when I was sharing that story. I haven't really felt too comfortable saying those words with the whole Negusu situation and to be honest, it's been hard to believe that God is good. I'm not saying that I am comparing getting money to getting Negusu, but it was a reminder that God knows my needs and he meets them. Slowly, I am starting to let go of the need to understand what God is doing and I am trying to trust Him anyway. It's tough. It's living by faith and not understanding, for sure.

P.S.- A couple days later, I also found a gift certificate for Boriello Brothers in that same purse. I love that purse:) Of course, I really love all of you that keep us going with your spoken, your anonymous, your tangible, and your loving encouragement. You all know we'd be a wreck without you!

The "Sprinkle"

Today's post is likely to be a smattering of different thoughts, if you will. The first being more of an informational update than the rest. Just minutes ago, we received an email from Embassy telling us that they have scheduled a birth mom interview for March 21st. I don't know when that means that we will travel, but most likely soon after. That feels like a long way away from now, but with this extra time, maybe we can eradicate all existing fighting, whining and crying amongst the two cherubs here, so that Maci Meeraf can join a sweet and peaceful family. Woah . . . OK. . . . back to reality. Anyway, hopefully, we'll be traveling the week after her interview?

Changing gears, now. A week ago Sunday, something monumental happened in this whole adoption world for me. It was a baby shower (or "sprinkle" as my friend Erin named it). I know these happen all the time and they are cute and fun and cheery times, but this one was big for me. I was even hesitant about it, because everyone has done so much for me already. But here is how it all went down in my eyes. As soon as I pulled up, I could tell there was a party to be had, with balloons, a big "M" on the door made of tissue paper roses and it didn't stop there. As I entered the house, the hostesses were all wearing shirts with Africa on them. That was even a story in itself. The long of the short of it, was that Erin came across this website a couple days prior to the shower and a neighbor of hers that doesn't even know me, ended up buying the shirts (and shirts for our 3 kids with the same logo) at the last minute! What a blessing she was, because on top of making the shower even more special, it just so happens that the lady who made the shirts was doing it as a fundraiser for her adoption from ET and she is with my same agency. That was just a fun little twist. Anywho . . . everything was done up to the nines, with bookmarks, the best strawberry cake in the world, pendant flags with Maci's name on it, super cute name tags and the list goes on. Erin kept saying in her slightly southern twang, even though she is from Colorado, "GIRRRRRRRL, it's just paper!" But it wasn't just paper. It was an all out celebration of Maci. Up to this point, when people have said, "Congratulations, that is so exciting that you are bringing home Maci, " I have replied, even sometimes out loud, "Yeah, but we still don't know about Negusu." During this shower, I didn't even think about Negusu and I consider that a good thing. It was so fun to know that I could be sooooooo excited about bringing home Maci, even without Negusu. I just can't wait to bring her home!!!! So, thank you to all who made the shower such a turning point for me and Maci. I can never thank you enough. Speaking of thank yous, maybe this post can stand in lieu of all the thank you notes I need to write. Just kidding - they should be trickling in. However, if you don't get one before we travel to ET, then still know that I am eternally grateful for that shower and for the sweet notes and gift cards:)

I'm all in the mood to write now and I have so much more to talk about, but I'll leave this post as is and try to attach the video that we showed at the shower. The first slides are of pictures of trips that I have taken that has led us to adopt overseas. The very first picture was taken when I was in 8th grade, in Mexico, and was seared into my brain as the very first view of extreme poverty.

Give Me an E . . .

Give me a M, give me a B, give me an A, give me 2 S's and a Y. What does that spell? EMBASSY! We were submitted to embassy today, which feels like a big deal to me. So, now that embassy has it in their hot little hands, they can decide to take our case in a couple different directions. We should know in a couple weeks what path our case will take. The most desirable option would be for them to say, "come on over and bring your little one home." The next, and most likely option would be that embassy would choose to interview Meraf's birth mom, which would likely add an extra 3 to 5 weeks. The third and least desirable option would be that our case would have some sort of unknown extenuating circumstances that would stall out the process for awhile. Obviously, we are rooting for the first option. This all really might happen, people!

In the meantime, I am trying to prepare our kids for Meraf's arrival. Spencer seems down with it all, but Leah keeps saying, "I want Magusu." However, the other day she did say that she would pass her old shoes to Meraf (she's so thoughtful, huh?) and she also said that she wanted Meraf to have a "pink on pink" bedspread. I feel like that is progress, right?

Speaking of bedspreads, my sister-in-law really outdid herself on this one. In the mail today, arrived the most incredible quilts for Leah's and Meraf's beds, in addition to a little mini quilty blanket to take with me to pick her up. I seriously felt like someone on the Ellen show that just won a new car. I love them THAT much. They have the same fabrics, but they are both a little different. And then the topper, is that she told me the she and another lady prayed over the quilts and for the girls as they made them. Don't think I didn't have a little tear in my eye when she told me that. It is all starting to feel so real now and I'm ready!

Chapter Meerof

Before I get started on the next chapter, I have a few thoughts to share. Sometimes, like yesterday, when I press "publish post" I start wondering if I revealed or said too much. I have this urge to go back and delete the ugly parts. Had I done that yesterday, I would not have been blessed by a few messages that, at least for 24 hours now, have talked me off the ledge and have once again stirred up a new hope for Goosey to come home. So, thank you to John, Emily and Kathy who have the life experiences to give perspective in situations such as mine. And thank you to the rest of you who allow me to write and never judge. This blog has been a lifeline for me throughout this journey.

Chapter Meerof:

Meerof is a beautiful (we would guess) 2 and a 1/2 year old, with story telling eyes, a bright smile and if I had to guess, a lot of personality. Upon our first meeting, none of this was very apparent, but that didn't come as a surprise to us. We were at the care center for about 45 minutes while she was finishing up her nap. Then, when our guard was finally down, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a four year old girl, walking Meerof towards us. There was no formal introduction, we had no idea if she was told anything about us, or if she had any concept of what was going on here. Actually, I know she knew something was up, because she was in protective mode for sure. She was only dropped off by her mom at an orphanage about 3 months ago, so she is in the middle of the throws of this life tragedy and the hurt was speaking loudly in this moment. Her gaze was averted, her shoulders and her hands were up by her ears and her jaw was fixed in a tight underbite. She held very defensive pose and nothing was going to break her of that the first day. Knowing what she was going through, we didn't want to push her to crack a smile or be any other way than how she was feeling. I can't wait to attach the picture of me and Meerof on the first day. I'm like totally glowing and she looks so stern. Overall, it went pretty much how I expected it would.

The few days, held new expressions and a peek into who she really might be. About a half an hour in on day two, we got our first smile. It was none other than a Koosh ball that brought about her dreamy smile and even a little giggle. Precious!!!!!!!! Then, a little while later, she stood on my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me two little hugs. I tried to be cool, but I was shocked that she initiated this timid and calculated move. She was very protective of me and Dave and would ward off any others who were trying to gain our attention. Each day she had a toy of choice. Usually it was a ball, but a couple days it was a little tin drum. Save the child who would try to take those away from her! One of the highlights of our entire trip was on the fourth day at the care center. All the kids were eating lunch. She was one of the first to emerge and she made a running beeline straight for us. Every time we were there, she preferred to play with us rather than the other kids, which made for some good old fun play time. It was a tough balancing act those few days we got to see her. We almost didn't want to form some incredible bond even if that were possible, because we knew we would be walking away and we know she doesn't understand, "we'll be back in 6 weeks." All she knows right now, is that we stepped into her life and now we are gone. I hate that! Hopefully, these next few weeks will fly by and hopefully, she has some innate notion that we will be back to get her!

Chapter Goose

Jet lag seems to have the best of me in this early hour, so I thought I would attempt to bring my blog somewhat up to speed. What to say, is the big question? I guess I'll start from the beginning. I'll gloss over the actual getting to ET, with words like delays, sprinting, missed flights, more sprinting, missing luggage. I think you get the picture. Ok - that was easy. Onto the next chapter.

Chapter Goosey: The morning after we arrived we headed down to Awassa, which is about a 4 1/2 hour harrowing drive. The near misses would total about 42 going and about a 102 returning to Addis. We had an amazing driver and guide, but HOLY COW, my blood pressure is still trying to reach normal levels from that drive. Anyhooooo . . . . . . . I think I'm stalling, due to not knowing where to start with Goosey, but here I go.

We went to see the Goose that first day and I can without hesitation tell you that he is an easy baby to fall in love with. He has a smile that can melt steel. He is so interactive and loves to say "da da da da da," and when he gets excited he bobs his head up and down and up and down. However, even in the midst of the joy there was a monster growing wildly within. A big giant dose of FEAR! While Goosey has put on some much needed weight, his legs seemed utterly useless. Part of the time I was there I wanted nothing more to do than run away with him, and the other part of me, just wanted to simply run. How is someone supposed to handle this? Do we turn our backs on this baby we love and say, I'm not sure I can handle you? Or do we trust that God didn't give us Goosey for all these months and move forward, even with the uncertainty? I can safely say that I will never be awarded a Mother Theresa Award. I'm scared to death of disease, difficult health situations, not to mention the common cold. I'm only compassionate from afar in those situations, but I'm not eager to enter a life that could be consumed with doctors appointments and the like. So, I'd go back to the hotel and just cry. Cry from fear, cry from guilt of these terrible thoughts of giving up on the Goose, cry from the months of hardship the whole process has brought, cry from wondering where God is in Goosey's situation. You name it, I was crying about it. This isn't how it was supposed to look. But the story continues.

The first couple of times we went to see Goose, we were accompanied by the orphanage director. If we would at all try to stretch his legs or do anything to make him work, he would cry and they would take him away from us. It was hard to figure anything out with her there. On the third visit, we had a little time alone with him. So, we immediately went to work. I held Goosey's trunk, while Dave braced his legs on the ground. Low and behold, I slowly let go, and Goosey, held onto Dave's hair for support, and stood on his legs. I'm 100% sure, that it was the first time, he had ever really tried to use his legs. He wouldn't straighten up, but he did use his legs! Then Dave did a few more PT maneuvers on the Goose in between the manager checking in with us. After just a couple hours of trying to challenge the Goose, he seemed to really respond. Has this diminished my fear of something being terribly wrong with him? Of course, not. If you know me, then you know how I am about stuff like this. Has it diminished Dave's fear of something terribly wrong with him. Of course. Dave is convinced that it is just the effects of orphanage living. Goose has never been challenged to use his legs. He goes from the crib to someone's arms, to the bumbo we brought him in September, back to the crib. I'm not sure he knew he had legs before last week. I can say, it is a real possibility that orphanage living is to blame for his lack of leg mobility and I can say that he could be running and jumping, etc. . . in months after he gets home, but I also think there could be other reasons . . . hence the fear.

All of this could be a mute point, though, because Mowa still has not signed his paperwork. It is completed, his case has been fully investigated, it has been signed off by the person who has held it up for months, and now it has been sitting on the desk of the last person who needs to sign it. She doesn't even need to comb through the paperwork - all she needs to do is put her initials on it. Two letters, is what would decide if Goosey grew up in that orphanage and if he would grow up here. Although, who knows how long that orphanage can stay open. While we were there, we heard that Mowa threatened to close it down, because it couldn't pay the government. How screwed up is that? The government won't allow the orphanages to make money by allowing adoptions, but wants to close them down when they can't pay the government. There is no doubt in my mind that corruption is running deep in this. We stopped by the Mowa office there to try and meet up with the elusive non-signer. In the parking lot was a shiny new "funded by Unicef," car. To be honest, we didn't actually see it, but a representative from our agency was there at the same time and asked if we saw it. He actually did get to visit with one of the Mowa representatives, who was about 24, no kids, not married, never had heard of adoption before taking this post and was very defensive. When he asked if there is anything he could do to help them, she basically said, you can stop adopting our kids out of ET and set up sponsorships instead. That is totally fine. I get that. What I don't get, is why they will let hundreds of babies suffer in the meantime, while they don't have a sponsorship program set up. Blah, blah, blah, - I could go on forever. The point being, we have no idea if they will ever sign his paperwork.

I guess I should wrap this up, since it is turning into more of a book than a post. What I can say about the Goose, is that he is nothing short of one of the most amazing babies I've ever met. I'm scared to death to bring him home and I'm scared to death to leave him there. God only knows what is best for him, for me, for Spence, for Leah, for Meerof for Dave, etc. . . . In the early morning hours in Awassa, with pleas to God and streams of tears, God did not answer me with a nudge to bail quite yet, although I wanted to. What He kept impressing on me was "whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me." So, we continue to wait it out for now with a lot of prayer and a little bit of fear and trembling.