I thought I would just return to my adoption blog this afternoon, in order to remind myself that we are still in the process of adopting. It has felt like a VERY long time since the last referral has been handed out. It has now been over a month, but it feels like way longer than that. In my last post I think I talked about how many times a day I was checking for updates. Now, I almost dread checking, because I'm pretty sure that the update page will look the same as it did yesterday and the day before, etc. . . , so being on my button pressing diet has actually not been as hard as I thought. Most days I can still rest in the trust that I know God has a plan and he already knows when our child will come home to us. I also know that even if our child stays in the orphanage much longer than we would ever ever want, it is not like we would change our mind and decide we didn't him or her, because they were there longer than we would like. There are just no guarantees with any child. They may do great after being in an orphanage for two years, while others are there for a brief time and have great difficulties. You just never know??? All I know is that God loves our child right now as he/she is AND He will be walking with us on this journey through all the ups and downs, constantly giving us just what we need, when we need it most. And right now, what I think I need the most is for the referral list to move - just kidding. Although, that would be nice:)

Getting a Grip

Last week was my Get a Grip week! The MOWA shake up seems to have coincided with a lull in referrals. I have no idea if the two are related or if we are just in the normal downswing of referrals within our agency. The point is, the result for me was this overwhelming sense that this adoption business just needs to get a move on, before any more bad news trickles in. I don't know if other waiting parents are like this, but I think that since the only thing I can do as waiting parents is wait, I feel the need to do something each day to participate in our adoption. So, for me I began to check our agencies blog page to see if there was any new news or referrals about 15 times a day. Then I would read some blogs, check the yahoo page, etc . . . . It took me awhile, but I finally realized that this ridiculous routine, not only took up precious time, but it was far far far from life giving. In fact, it was sucking the life right out of me. Come to think of it, I don't think I realized anything . . . it was God that showed me a little somethin' somthin'. Last Monday night, as I was cramming for my Bible study for Mops ministry team in the morning, a couple paragraphs in the book, may as well have been written in big, bold, red letters. It read, and I quote:

'Make Me your desired End and you will surely have that End, and you shall be satisfied, lacking nothing that is in the will of God for you.' The shameful thing is, however, that when this comes home to us, we feel a little disappointed. We have to admit it was not Himself we really wanted, but rather His gifts, and that for subtle, selfish reasons! As the hymn writer says, 'I yearned for them, not Thee.'

I was making my desired End, getting our little Ethiopian baby, instead of God. So, I'm praying about that whole business. I'm also on a refresh button diet for our agencies update blog. I can only check once (or maybe twice) a day. I'm still hoping for some movement this week, but hopefully with my priorities a little more in line I can live into the freedom that I have when I don't feel like my emotions are so controlled by the agency blog.